Breaking Up With The Bad

Hi friends! It's the last day of January. So it's a great time to check in with yourself. Maybe you made a new year's resolution, set goals, or maybe you're just trying to take it day by day at this point. Wherever you find yourself, take a moment to pause - this moment right now - take a deep breath in ... and a deep breath out. Ahh, that's better. 

Many of us set goals for the year or intentions each month because we want to create good habits for ourselves and become a better person. One of my goals this year is to connect with new people and make new friends. That involves putting myself out there and going to events or inviting someone I don't know well to hang out. That can certainly feel tricky at times. 

A few months ago, I decided to join BumbleBizz because it intrigued me and seemed pretty progressive. It's a way to connect to other professionals or creatives in your city. A new way to network outside of LinkedIn. I'm still acclimating myself to using the app and starting up conversations but one really awesome perk has been local Bumble events!

The first event I went to was Friendsgiving and it was a lot of fun. We each brought a dish to share and decorated festive Fall cookies. I made these yummy pumpkin pie bites.

I attended my second Bumble event last night. They brought in a group of panelists and discussed different ways we can break up with the bad. Because in order to get to the best YOU, you have to break up with quite a lot. 

So what are some of the bad things you need to break up with? 

Breaking Up with a Bad Relationship

Ali Washburn and Lauren Levine from the Margarita Confessionals (a fave local podcast) gave the rundown on breaking up from a bad relationship. If you've ever been in a bad relationship, you know how hard this can be. And if you're questioning whether the relationship is good and can't seem to figure it out, well, you already know the answer. 

Lauren brought up a good point in that we usually stay in relationships far longer than we should because of logistics. Maybe you live together, you support each other financially, you have a pet together, you have mutual friends, etcetera etcetera. So you try to make it work or find the right timing. It won't be easy but logistics aside, don't let a bad relationship prevent you from moving forward in life. 

The same can be said for friendships and co-working relationships. I've definitely broken up with a friend before. It was necessary and the only thing left to do. 

Breaking Up with Your Comfort Zone

Nick Kosir, Fox 46's morning meteorologist, shared his experience with being in a comfort zone and breaking out of it. Before making his way to Charlotte, he worked at a small local tv station in Beaumont, Texas where life became rather routine. The weather was pretty much the same from week to week and his daily life became fairly monotonous. He found himself in a comfort zone. 

Photo by Krista Mangulsone on Unsplash

But one day, he saw this viral video of a flight attendant rapping the flight instructions. This gave him the idea to shake things up a bit and rap the weather. And he's been rapping the weather ever since. He saw his life change after breaking up with the norm, the routine, the comfort of staying inside the lanes. 

Where do you find yourself? Are you living in a daily comfort zone, playing it safe? Have things started to feel like groundhog day (a Bill Murray 90s movie - go watch it!). These are important questions to think about and answer. And if you do find yourself in a comfort zone, big or small, take steps to change things up. Take a class, learn something new, go for walks in the middle of your work day, start a book club - and if you can't quit your job right now, look for small ways to improve the quality of your time there. You never know where this will take you. 

Breaking Up with Fear and Negativity

Meredith Dean is one rad female and the founder of The Deans List, a digital branding service. She gave voice to her experience with fear and negativity when she joined last week's Women's March in Charlotte and made a sign that said "Saturdays are for the boys to respect women." - A play on a slogan picked up from Barstool Sports. If you're like me and never heard of the "Saturdays are for the boys" movement - this article will sum it right up. 

She shared a photo of her sign on Instagram and a slew of negative comments started rolling in. She could have done a number of things but she handled the comments with grace and continued onward. Her point was that negativity and fear will hold you back. Don't even give negative people the time of day. The time and energy spent on caring what other people have to say about you will just slow you down. 

If you find yourself afraid to do something, keep asking yourself WHY until you get to the bottom of it. Fear of looking stupid. Fear of failing. Fear of not fitting into someone else's mold. Fear of people not liking you. Whatever it may be. You can break up with fear. You can break up with negativity. Leave that trash behind. 

Breaking Up with the Likes

Jacinda Jacobs was the perfect follow to what Meredith had to say. Because if you're breaking up with negative people and negative comments, then you're breaking up with the likes. And bottom line, that's realllllly hard to do. Especially if you're playing the social media game.

Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, Twitter, whoever else, all know this too. Generating likes produces dopamine in your brain and keeps you interacting and engaged. There's a whole study behind it - read up!

Photo by rawpixel on Unsplash

Think about it with the amount of times you pick up your phone or get sucked in by notifications. You post a new photo on Instagram, you want people to see it and hit that like button. There's a feeling of validation, of connection. And it's okay to want to be liked, we all do - but is that your main focus? Has it become an obsession? Do you find yourself comparing to what other people are doing or how other people look? It's time to be more mindful with how we use social media and how it affects us - our brains, our energies, our relationships, our time.

The need for likes can be destructive and Derrick Jacobs (FlyTy) rounded it all up by saying you have to like yourSELF first and foremost. "I love me some me," he said. And once you start breaking up with all the bad, it's time to ask "Now what?" and take the next steps to move forward in life. What are you going to do with the things you've learned along the way - with your growth? Will you start pouring that into something more positive? Do you find yourself more of a giver or a taker? And ask yourself who you really want to be.

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Props to Bumble for all they're doing. Helping people connect online and offline and giving us a boost. I had a really great time at this event and met awesome new friends! Here's to getting out of comfort zones and breaking up with all that holds us back!