Listening and Seeing
Listening is an art form. To have an ear for something. To hone in on what people are trying to say. To see through what people are actually saying...this takes a higher form of listening. I am also learning that l-i-s-t-e-n-i-n-g means putting aside my own presumptions so that I can truly hear what the other has to say.
Even being attentive to how we respond when greeting people can bring to light that we often are ready with our own responses instead of listening to the person in front of us.
Listening can be hard. Because listening means that you are waiting your turn to speak. It sometimes means that you have to listen to a viewpoint unlike your own. And what sucks even more is that we often listen through personal filters that have formed inside us and we are usually unaware of this.
These filters come about in various ways. Social location plays a big factor in how we see the world and how we operate within it. Race, gender, socio-economic status, and education are large parts of the makeup of individuals. Sexuality, familial relations, the joy and pain one has experienced in life, and so much more play an integral part in how a person sees the world. Many people float through life without taking a look at key parts of why they act a certain way or why they believe what they do.
“We see the world not as it is, but as we are—or as we’re conditioned to see it.” - Steven Covey
We all have opinions. We all have a right to those opinions. We carry our beliefs around like badges. Some choose to stay quiet and others choose to shout. Some take to the streets and others find small corners for conversation or debate. Different situations call for conformable responses. There is nothing wrong with expressing what you believe. Please do so.
What I'm worried about is when people cast other viewpoints aside as if they don't matter. We get wrapped up in being right and thinking that we know everything we need to know and our ears fall deaf. Instead of opening up, we close down. And in the end, we all lose.
Now, more than ever, we need to remain open - listen and see - to perspectives unlike our own. I have so much more to say...but I'm trying even more now to listen.
I've rounded up a few links that have stirred this topic within me and made me think about listening in deeper ways.
"Perspective is everything, especially when it comes to examining your beliefs. Are you a soldier, prone to defending your viewpoint at all costs — or a scout, spurred by curiosity? ... When your steadfast opinions are tested, Galef asks: "What do you most yearn for? Do you yearn to defend your own beliefs or do you yearn to see the world as clearly as you possibly can?"
This intrigues me so much. Creating a space where people are listened to. People can ask clarifying questions and then paraphrase what they are hearing to understand what the person is actually saying. There's even a guide on how to host your own.
This was the starting discussion topic for the women's small group I'm in. It brought up a lot of what I talk about in this post.
In a short 12 minutes, Nadia Bolz-Weber hits it out of the park. Her mom is quoted as saying, Nadia once you decide you’re right about something you stop taking in new information.