My Word of the Year
I found my "Word of the Year" or rather, my word found me.
It happened, unexpectedly, during a journaling process on the second day of the year. I wasn't planning on choosing a word to guide me this year. In years past, my words have been LIGHT (2015) - mainly to be lighthearted but also aspects of light; and BRAVE (2016) - though I didn't feel super connected to this word. I originally chose the word brave because I found myself fearful of forging new paths and getting involved in local events to meet new people.
I'm tempted now to look back through both of those years and write up a year in review according to the words I chose. May be interesting. -- If you've never heard of choosing a word to guide your year, check out oneword365.com. I highly recommend it and it's not too late! I've also found that your word might end up changing throughout the year, and that's okay.
So how did I find my word?
I started watching a CreativeMornings talk that was posted about a year ago. The title, "Why We All Need a Fail Club" by Imogen Parry. I wasn't all too engaged as I was washing dishes and the subtitles were not translating her accent correctly. I finished dishes and sat down to tune in further...that's when Imogen hit me with this...
"Are we being kind to ourselves when we fail?
Are we connecting with what we really need?
Are we taking time to notice, with compassion, how we're really feeling?
And when we're struggling,
Are we brave enough to design a different experience for ourselves?"
Go ahead and read that again. Let it soak in. I'll wait.
This brought on brief flashbacks of the last few years of my life and the journey that has brought me to where I am today. I've learned quite a lot about expectations and letting go; discernment and the courage to find true self at some really high costs. In the process of losing myself, I found myself again.
Often times, we stock up on expectations for our life and how it will go. We have expectations for relationships, for career paths, for projects and dreams...and then something shifts. It might be that we ourselves have shifted or something unexpected happens. Either way, there's a shift (or it could be much more of a catastrophe) and we have to figure out what to do next.
How do we adjust? Do we take what's given us and make something new? Go in a different direction? Find new perspective? Find common ground?
Are we brave enough to seek our own truths - our own happiness and fulfillment? Do we connect with what we really need? And if we find that we are struggling - that we keep coming up against walls..."Are we brave enough to design a different experience for ourselves?"
This question lived inside of me for a period of time but I didn't know it. And now on the other side of things, I know more than ever that I must continue to create the life that I want to live.
I wasn't nearly as brave as I wanted to be in 2016. I made some baby steps but my braveness need carry on. I want to be more bold in 2017 (hmm...bold is a good word but we'll see).
I feel as if I keep knicking away at something - a sort of excavation of self... my creative self. I have this misperception that I will eventually unveil something magnificent and then THERE IT IS! That's it! What I've been working toward my whole life. - What I keep forgetting is that my journey...the process of discovering...of drawing and writing and painting and sketching and singing and crafting and playing, playing, playing just for the sheer joy of it all is really the heart of it all. The purpose. The meaning. The reason for being.
There is no arrival. I will always be working toward something. That is the life of a creative. I must learn to dwell in the process - to breathe it all in - and to feel free within it. To give myself the freedom to fail. To create something with no reason other than to JUST CREATE. Learn to create without intention.
Giving oneself the freedom to fall, allows oneself the freedom to fly. {tweet that}
My word of the year is ABANDON.
I'm still processing what this word might hold for me in this new year but in the middle of proclaiming that I need to take more risks and give myself the freedom to fail, this word pierced through me like a light into the darkness.
Taking risks means putting myself out there so that I have the opportunity to fail. My intentions for some things will definitely be to succeed but my focus has been on the wrong thing. I get so caught up with the notion of succeeding that I cut myself short halfway through - stop practicing, stop learning, stop pushing myself, stop pushing boundaries because I'm afraid I won't succeed. I start doubting myself. I begin to agree that it will never work. I'm not good enough. This looks like shit. Maybe another time. -- And then I'm left with nothing...not even failure. Just half-assed little projects that I can't even learn from.
It's time to turn that around. I'm flying free with ABANDON this year.