On Friendship...
Losing touch with people isn’t the problem. The problem is that we’ve become lazy.
We have the time. We just don’t make the time.
We’ll talk with someone and say “Oh, let’s get together. It’s been too long.” We may even get as far as choosing a range of dates or activities. Then we continue on without making an affirmative decision. The idea of getting together is danced around over and over. The same old song playing in the background.
It’s understandable. Sustaining relationships takes effort. It’s easy to get into the normal routines of life and carry on with those you see without much effort. These include your co-workers, those that live with you, and familial relationships. At least, these are the people I see the most and even those take some sort of intentionality.
In today’s world, I’m baffled by how many people lack real connections and friendship. In theory, we are ultra-connected with one another. We can share what we are eating for lunch with someone on the other side of the world if we want; take our friend on a tour through our new apartment; share the song we are listening to… All of this may be virtual but we are more connected than ever before. And yet, many of us are barely connected at all.
I’ve realized there’s a certain point in adult-life when relationships begin to remain on the surface. In the safe zone. We shy away from longevity because it makes us vulnerable to the ups and downs and the lulls that come with staying connected with someone. We stop talking about things that matter. We get hurt or hurt someone else and move on instead of forging ways to remain friends.
It is true that not all friendships need to continue. Some serve their time during a specific season. Some become toxic. People move away. Life changes. Things happen. - I'm more concerned with the ones we have right within our reach yet choose not to nurture.
There’s a cycle of friendships I’ve seen throughout life. Childhood friends, Middle-School friends, High-School friends, College friends, Adult friends… Some stay with you through the years. Others fade away. This is how it is. It definitely feels harder to make new friends as an adult but I’ve found it can be done. It just takes…you guessed it, EFFORT.
Here are some things I’ve learned that keep friendships alive…
1. Make the call!
Pick up the phone and call your friend. This one is especially important if you don’t live near each other. Don’t worry about their schedule or feel like you’ll be bothering them. Leave a voicemail if you have to but don’t shy away from calling because you think they’re busy, or exhausted from a day with kids, or eating dinner, or whatever. Many are simply glad to hear your voice and have a friend on the line. (I have one friend who ONLY texts. I’m pretty sure she’s terrified of talking on the phone. Since I know this is her rule 98% of the time, I have excellent texting conversations with her.) Whatever you do, COMMUNICATE, and communicate well.
2. Make the time!
Pick a date on the calendar and plan a time to see each other. DO IT! It’s really helpful if you say that you’ll meet for dinner every other Wednesday or all get together to watch a show every week. That way, you’ve already blocked the time out to visit. Maybe choose someone to work out with every week. Two birds kind of thing.
3. Make the drive!
Some friends have moved away and it seems ultra hard to see them because of scheduling and sometimes finances. One thing I’ve learned is that making the drive is so necessary and so important! In order to make the drive happen, you’ll have to make the time and plan. So get to it!
4. Send them something!
Write a note. Send a card. Send a gift. If it’s their birthday, Christmas, best friends day, Valentines day, or just an ordinary day…everyone loves to get happy mail. Seriously. I have a great stash of all the notes my friends have sent me through the years. What a great pile to go through every once and a while.